Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Beatles are time travelling super villains from the future




If you've ever seen Back to the Future 2, you know the main plot line is that arch nemesis of the McFly's, Biff Tannen, goes back in time and gives his younger self a copy of all the sports results for the next fifty years allowing him to become a millionaire through astute betting. Currently, I'm staying with my Mum and after listening to a whole load of Beatles, I can only deduce that John Lennon and Paul McCartney did the same thing as Biff.

As a healthy sceptic with a vivid imagination and way too much time on my hands, I think that the evolution of the Beatles from a rock n' roll covers band to Let It Be is just too immense to be truly believable. Let's face it, Lennon and McCartney are time travelling villains.

How so? Well, I believe in an alternate universe John and Paul had been toiling away quite successfully around the greater Metroplitan Liverpool area in a bunch of well regarded Skiffle bands until the mid 70's. However, larger success had eluded them and a whole raft of amazing artists had transformed rock n' roll particularly Cliff Richards' psychedelic opus Lieutenant Salt's Broken Cardiac Organ's Gang Troupe. John and Paul knew that their chance at rock n' roll stardom had passed them by.

That is until they went out on a tear one night and took so much LSD that they managed to trip through space and time back to 1960. Fortunately for them, McCartney had a sheet music book in his bag entitled the The Easy Chord Book: Best of the 60's which he was using to re-arrange popular songs for their skiffle group. Realising the enormity of the opportunity, Lennon and McCartney tracked down their younger selves and explained the situation. If they released the greatest songs of the 60's in chronological order from the book over the next ten years before anyone else, they could make millions and be seen as the greatest musical innovators in the history of music. Down with the plan, young John and Paul quickly formed the Beatles refining their skills over the next few years so they could release album after album of mind bending awesome music.

All was going well as John and Paul claimed songwriting credits on everything even though they had stolen it from a bunch of unwitting musicians who were yet to write the songs. Brian Wilson said he wrote Pet Sounds in reaction to the brilliance of Rubber Soul but little did he know that he actually wrote half of Rubber Soul in another dimension and that's why he liked it so much. George and Ringo were none the wiser taking their lead from John and Paul's direction.

All was going well until the song's started running out but future Lennon and McCartney had not prepared their younger selves for this. Contrary to popular rumour, Yoko was not the cause of the Beatles' break up, it was the combination of the songs running out and an argument over a pear Lennon was planning to eat. McCartney ate it while John was at the corner shop and Lennon really loved his pears. And the rest, as they say, is history...

Anyhow, that's the true story of the Beatles, they were in fact song stealing musicians from the future. Well either that or they were totally awesome...

Where's this guy when you need him?


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